Success has always been my goal in life, but success in what? When it comes down to figuring out what I really want and what it will take to achieve my goals, the whole concept of success becomes quite daunting. Failure I've learned to live with as a natural step in any successful venture, be it writing, photography, relationships, or life in general. Oddly enough, I'm almost as proud of my failures as I am of my successes because those failures mean I tried. I didn't sit around waiting for something to happen, I took action to make something happen.
I have a lot going on in my head right now, and it's reached the point where I can't quite seem to separate out the things I should do with the things that I want to do but take up too much time and energy.
Writing is my passion. When I wake up in the morning, it's the work that gives me a little jolt of excitement knowing that I get to spend the day with characters (people) I adore, creating stories and worlds I can't wait to visit.
It's the everything else that I have difficulty letting go of, but which does nothing to advance my greater goal of writing, and yet I still do them. Why? I suppose it comes down to courage, or the lack of it. You see, I don't need to impress the general population; I'm just not wired that way. I don't give a flying leap what people think of me personally. I'm a quiet, private person who loves nature, taking pictures, appreciates handsome men and believes chivalry should never die, adores her pup, and would rather jump out of another airplane than go to a party where I know I'll spend most of the time trying to enjoy myself, all the while thinking about a walk in the woods or the book waiting for me to read.
I don't need to impress anyone. However, I don't like to let people down, and this is where I often lack the courage to say "I can't help you," or "I don't have the time." I'm better at saying those things now, and still there are times when I want to say, "Yes, I can help," or "No problem, I have you covered." Unfortunately, when I lack the courage (or wisdom) to say "NO," my ultimate goal (that would be writing more) isn't achieved and I remain as I am, trying to do it all.
At this point, one might be wondering what this randomness of rambling has been all about, and you'd be right to ask. This is after all my own little online writing journal so the topics and posts are bound to be as unpredictable and fickle as I am. Just go with it.
I know for a fact—because it's statistically impossible—for me to be the only one who finds themselves with a goal and plan in mind only to be waylaid by the inevitable "I'm the person for the job" mentality.
Have you been in this situation? How did you find your way out of it . . . or is it still a struggle? Like me, do you try to do it "all" only to find that you're run down and unable to focus on what matters to you most?
A return trip to Scotland (pictured above) has been on my to-do list since I was last there in 2005. Eleven years and my only excuse has been, "I'm too busy." How lame is that? Granted I'm not crazy to get back on an airplane anytime soon, but Scotland isn't the only to-do on my list that has fallen victim to "I'm too busy."
It's a daily struggle for me, but one I'm working on.